ranzware
Remember when there was kind of a mini-kerfuffle among Fallout fans because Bethesda wouldn’t let you kill children in its games? Because it’s okay to set off a nuclear device in the middle of a populated settlement but murking a lippy 14-year-old who’s probably just going to grow up to be a wasteland raider is beyond the pale, I guess. Anyway, I bring this up now because Inzoi players made an unexpected and rather startling discovery almost immediately after the game went live: You could kill kids in the newly-launched life sim by pasting them with your car.
Evidence of the surprise feature was shared on YouTube by Velizxr—it’s not graphic but, fair warning if you’re sensitive to such things, you are about to see a child get launched into the next life courtesy of a sensible, mid-sized hatchback. (You should probably ignore the raucous laughter. It is pretty funny though.)
I am obligated to say that running over children definitely is not funny in the real world and you absolutely shouldn’t do it, but videogames aren’t the real world and Inzoi, especially in its early access state, is no exception: You can tell by the way the other nearby children in the video don’t run screaming and crying in the wake of the wipeout, or even glance in the direction of their distant, departed pal, but instead just stand around with a sort of “aw jeez” demeanor, as though they’d been yelled at by the teacher for being too noisy instead of, y’know, getting tattooed by a Hyundai.
Inzoi’s “Teen” rating from the ESRB says Zois “can die from natural or accidental causes,” including “traffic accidents,” but kids were meant to be excluded from such unfortunate outcomes: Krafton confirmed with IGN that going all road rage on the playground wasn’t on the menu, and in fact it doesn’t think any of this is funny at all.
“This issue was caused by an unintended bug that has been resolved in the latest patch,” a Krafton rep said. “These depictions are highly inappropriate and do not reflect the intent and values of Inzoi. We understand the seriousness of this matter and age-appropriate content and we are strengthening our internal review processes to prevent similar incidents in the future.”
I haven’t been able to find any patch notes to that effect, but the dedicated professionals at Waypoint put it to the test and sure enough, when you run into a kid now you get a little “bonk” noise and nothing else: The intended statistic doesn’t even look at you. It’s a tremendously imperfect (and, I would guess, very rushed) solution, but in some ways even funnier than watching small children go from zero to 60 faster than a top fuel dragster. Adults, however, still fold up like yesterday’s laundry, so at least we still have that.
(Listen, you can accuse me of being tasteless about this if you want, but never forget that EA intentionally added the ability to consign sims to a slow, watery death in The Sims 4, and we were all happy about it. So don’t be acting like I’m the bad guy here.)
If you want to take your own shot at turning pre-teens into road waffles, the first thing you’ll need is a car. If you don’t have one, don’t worry: We have a guide that will get you on the road in no time. Drive carefully.
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Kurt Indovina
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